“Hello my good lady, how do you do?

I see you’ve bought toilet paper, do I understand you use the loo?”

My cheeks flushed a little and I nodded my head,

“Why everybody does ‘cept the constipated or the dead!”

“Not true my dear,” said the shopkeeper with a sign,

“I’ll let you in on a secret, tis not a word of a lie.

The famous, the rich, the good looking too,

No need for toilet paper, they never do a poo,

nor a pee, nor a fart, they’re not like me and you,

The rich and the famous, they’ve no need for the loo!”

“I object, I protest, sure didn’t Elvis die on the bog,

And floating below him a magnificent log!”

“Urban legend, a farce, a fairytale, a myth.

Like Noah’s Ark, Armadillos or the Blue Tit!”

“Ah ha,” I laughed, “now I know you’re a fool,

Blue Tits are a fact, I learnt ’bout them in school.”

“Don’t believe what your told, it’s for yourself you should think,

I don’t know what you were rared on, but my mother’s were PINK!”

Then it hit me, he spoke not a word of a lie,

I bent at the waist and let out a cry,

For daily I hiked my skirt round my knees,

and bared my bottom to the bathroom breeze,

I knew right then my dreams would never come true,

for I was a user, an addict, an avid visitor to the loo!

I’ve been a bit lazy of late with the posting, well not lazy, busy actually! I thought I’d post this little work in progress, it’s a true story!